SPECIAL REPORT: Growing Up Gay

When an 18-year old Rutgers student jumped off the George Washington bridge after he was "outed" on facebook, it sent shockwaves across the country. Tyler Clementi became the face of gay bullying.

While we're not taking on the issues of homosexuality and genetic or environmental factors, we are looking at a situation that is what it is: kids growing up bullied, even hated, because of who they love.

Kirk Smalley knows first hand that bullying can kill: "You want to learn what bullying and suicide is all about? We haven't washed his sheets because I can go in there and lay on his bed and still smell my boy."

A grown woman remembers the pain when she came out: "When I told my mother I was gay, she said, 'You are dead to me.'"

Tyler Wilson says two bullies broke his arm, and called him a queer, when he tried out for cheerleading.

"It feels horrible that they can't accept me for who I am."

"I was teased and taunted, got the names, you know: fag, sissy, queer, what have you."

Pat Patterson is 40 years old... but he remembers how it felt, as a boy, hearing people make anti-gay remarks.

"It's like a knife going right thru a young child's heart because you're saying, 'you're not valuable'... and every single young person in this world is valuable."

The Rev. Jeff Pullium is the minister at downtown Augusta's Metropolitan Community Church of Our Redeemer.

"We really need to wake up and realize that Augusta, and the world, is a very diverse place and that each person has their gifts and their graces to offer. We need to stop marginalizing each other, you know."

Pullium's church hosted a candlelight vigil for all victims of bullying, on October 11th... National Coming Out Day.

"After the service a girl came up to me in tears and said, 'thank you for having this, my two best friends growing up killed themselves, and she made it through- but there's lots of gay and lesbian youth who don't make it through, who cave under pressure."

Like Rutgers student Tyler Clementi. He was one of at least five gay teens to kill themselves in October. 16-year old Jasmyne Canionero remembers them as she stands along side her gay friends and family.

"It was important to support all my friends and my mom, and all the GLAD friends that have been bullied, been down and talked about."

Patterson says he was lucky to have parents who surrounded him with role models.

"People who opened doors to me and said, 'ya know, you be who you want to be- you're a little bit different but that's cool- you know."

Jennie: "When did you know you liked boys?"

Pat: "That thought never entered my mind- it came from my friends, from people in school with me, in church youth group with me."

Kevin Jennings is with the Department of Education. He remembers being bullied, too.

"The first day of 10th grade I actually refused to go back to school because I simply wasn't going to go back to a place where I was bullied every day."

Jennings organized the nation's first bullying summit, but admits it's hard to define: is it physical? electronic? psychological?

Aldersgate United Methodist Youth Counselor, Jenn Willson, has worked with teens and young adults for 15 years.

"It's just insidiouss the way it now follows you everywhere."

She thinks technology definitely plays a role.

"It can be in texts- they can slam you 100 times in a row 'you're ugly.' and just stuff that psychologically will wear you down."

Campus Pride found in a national study that there's a lack of safety and inclusiveness for gay college students.

Shane Windmeyer is the Executive Director of Campus Pride.

"It is important to allow young people to come out and to find support and to realize that once you do come out you're not alone."

Patterson came out to a fraternity brother, who was a minister.

"He reminded me, 'regardless of what you hear from anybody out there, please remember that God created every single person on this earth- and created you. and if he created you this way, he did so for a reason.'"

And that was reason enough for Pat to say, "I'm gay."

"Once I developed a support system within the gay community, then I finally came out to my parents and siblings and the important people."

Jennie: "Does that make you more empathetic for kids who don't have that support system?"

Pat: "I wish I could have been standing on the other side of that bride and looked at Tyler and said, 'there's no reason for you to take that step, cause as we've heard over and over, it gets better."

Note to reader:  if you are considering harming yourself, if you feel bullied, or if you need someone to talk to there are helplines for you to call. We've also listed resources for you in the box beside this article.

Mental Health America Crisis Line:  1-888-237-TALK

The Trevor Project Helpline:  1-866-4-U-Trevor